I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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