my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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