There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
