I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
