I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Randomize
