you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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