girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
