How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
