This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I wear drunk well.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
