I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
