got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
