and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
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I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize