I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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