Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
