i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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