Kiss
Puke
I want to stick my p in your. b.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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