it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
