beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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