Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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