I have demons in me.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
