Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
