I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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