Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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