Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
