Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Just puked most of my soul out..
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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