This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Is it penis luge time yet?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
