you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
