I hate all girls vehemently.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
