i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
