I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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