I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
