If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
