Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
