The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
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