I want to stick my p in your. b.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
