At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
