well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Randomize
