I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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