I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
