I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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