He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
