all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Houston, we have a squirter
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
