careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
