Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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