Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
