pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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