i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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