Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
