Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
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