and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
