she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just found puke in my bra..
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
