my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
