Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
