evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
We are all done wearing pants today
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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