We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
