Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize