We named our party play list daddy issues
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
