just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
