He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
