I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize