I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
