My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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