friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
