Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
