U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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