She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
