Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
