what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
