At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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