going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
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WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
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I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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