my mouth tastes like poor choices
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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