you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
