toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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