I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
