We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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