You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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