my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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